Warning: This post may include TMI (too much information) There are little red * next to those bullet points.
Two weeks ago there was a possibility that I could have
gotten pregnant again. For days after I relived how awful pregnancy was in my
mind. There were months of barely moving because of nausea, not exercising,
blowing up like a balloon, feeling lonely and ugly, dealing with all the extra
emotions, not being able to do very much, the muscle pain etc. I wondered why
pregnancy was so easy for some women. How some just get a little nauseous and
eat a lot more and don’t gain much weight, whereas I was eating less and
throwing up not just the food but also the bile from my empty stomach all day
long and yet gaining a ton of weight. How for some women emotions just become
like mine are every day of my life. Anyways, I was starting to get very bitter
and I asked God why. Well….here are some things Sean and I discussed and they help me feel a lot better. I have frequently asked God to help me be a better
wife and maybe getting pregnant was a good way to do it….although not during
the pregnancy of course.
Things I gained from being pregnant
- I don’t move as much when I sleep so Sean has an
easier time sleeping in the same bed as me.
- · My cramps during my period are no longer the
writhing-in-pain experience they use to be and with pain medicine I can’t feel
them at all.
- While losing my pregnancy weight gain I learned
of several food allergies. I use to have extreme stomach pain daily and now it
is a rare occurrence.
- Because I was so morning sick I would throw up
when I moved I decided to sit still a lot. As a result my knees finally
recovered from their overuse injuries. So no more persistent knee pain.
- * I have a lower sex drive. (this is a very good
thing since that has been an extreme point of frustration)
- * Sean enjoys having sex with me more because it
is very rarely painful.
- ·
I feel more confident and less self conscious about
my body and when I look good I know I look good. When I don’t look good it is not as depressing.
- ·
Because my medicine was only half as effective
during pregnancy and now it is full dose again I do a much better job
calming myself than I use to.
- ·
It is hard to doubt my purpose in life when I am
constantly taking care of a baby.
- ·
I no longer doubt Sean’s love for me and I am
not scared of him deciding to leave me.
- ·
I have a stronger testimony of God’s love for
me, that he answers prayers, and that he watches over those who seek to do his
will.
- ·
I have greater faith in people. There are people
out there who are loving and Christ-like and are good friends.
- ·
Last but not least I gained a beautiful
daughter. Her smile lights up my world and I love watching her learn all these
new things. Day after day she amazes me and the longer she is with me the more
I realize how empty my life was before. I was meant to be a mom. I love
spending every minute of every day with her. I love having her crawl after me
and pull herself up while holding onto my pants. I love reading with her and
making buildings for her to wreck. I even love sitting next to her so she can
hand me the CD’s she pulls off the shelf. I love watching her bounce along with
me when I play Dance2 on the Wii. I am amazed at the love I feel for her and
the love my mom must feel for me. I hope she never outgrows loving me. I love
getting her from her crib in the morning and the smile she gives. It is as if I
have given her the most wonderful gift in the world.
Maybe pregnancy is not so bad after all. Maybe I will forgive
the people who don’t have horrible pregnancies; honestly I would not wish my pregnancy
on anyone. I get confused when people say they want their children to go
through the same thing they had to go through. So far that certainly is not the
case for me. I think I would rather be under appreciated than watch my daughter
be that sick for that long…but who knows I guess that could change.
