Update

Sienna (almost 4yrs):

"No porta-potty don't flush the memories!" "I had a dream about a dark ocean, it was really really little" "Kalin is really pretty and I am kinda shy of her" "Mom, is it warm and windy today?" (she's asked this almost every day since we flew kites) " This is my room" (laying on the floor of the house we just made an offer on) "Gabey was sad about mommy" (explaining to Sean why she let him out of the bedroom at night)
Me: What do you want for your birthday
S: A BIG box
Me: Do you want anything in the box?
S: (looking surprised and excited) Yes! I want it to be full of candy!
"Daddy, can we buy money so we can get pizza?"

Gabriel (18 mo):
"No" "don't" (both learned in the hospital)
"It stopped!" (when his show stopped in the hospital)
He clicks his tongue, loves singing along to everything, and loves wheels on the bus. He is pretty much potty training himself right now and looks adorable in his boxer/briefs. Says all sorts of little things, dow, dat, nene, mom, dad, ous, bous, ge ge(drink)

Gabriel 1 week Old

Gabriel Quinn Nagle

He is here!  He is beautiful, he is perfect. The labor and delivery went wonderfully. He is a great eater, he doesn't cry the way Sienna use to (although Sean very optimistically brought up that Sienna was very mild the first week. Thanks babe.) Basically he is probably the best baby anyone could ask for and....most of the time...I am not...happy. I am really really struggling to stay positive. I basically haven't taken care of Sienna at all since before he was born. I am not allowed to lift her, I can't take her on walks....she has been sleeping in the basement until a few days ago. I know it is a short period of time but even though we have been in the same house....it is like we aren't. I am ready to start dieting, but I can't the way I want to and breastfeed at the same time. I can see all of these positive things...but they only make me feel worse for not being happy. Sean's program let him stay a whole week. Which is incredible and amazing...and I needed him to stay so desperately. I feel like a leech and I am not sure I am excited to not be one any more. I realize I was happy taking care of my own house even though I feel like I am not very good at it.  I don't feel like I have any control over my life right now. None of these awful depressed thoughts belong under this picture of my perfect son. I love him. I love him so much. I just want the pain to go away. The self-hatred and loathing. Any ideas would be helpful.

Birth #2 Induction with an epidural

Gabriel Quinn Nagle

Born: August 15, 2014
Time: 2:15pm
Hours of Labor: 6 (8 am to 2:15pm) About 5 pushes
Weight: 6lbs 4 oz
Height: 18 iches

I was induced at 39 weeks, upon request so that Sean, who was rotating in a different state every month for his fourth year of medical school could be there. Luckily I had a doctor who understood my need for him to be there. The induction began at 8 am, I was already having contractions which I think helped. My mom was with my and Sienna was with Aunt Melissa. I was using my birthing ball, and holding off on the epidural. I believe it was 4 hours in, my water broke on it's own. The pain became so intense, but I wanted to wait till Sean arrived. I decided not to. My mom held my hands as I received the epidural. At first it only worked on one side, but the got it working on the other before it was time for him to come. The didn't fade it off when it was time to push, which was wonderful because I didn't feel them stitch the episiotomy or any other pain for an hour afterwards. It was an amazing birth.

Sienna the cute

Sienna decided to help out with the house by cleaning the toilet. This was completely unsolicited and beside using too much soap she did great! Sean found her with the dish soap and a sponge scrubbing the seat! It was pretty awesome. She still makes a much greater mess than she cleans up though, but maybe it is time to have her help a little more.

Last night Sean and I decided to let Sienna sleep between us. She snuggled under the blanket and we turned the lights out, but she got me giggling because she kept saying, "do it!" animatedly in the darkness. Just a few minutes earlier she was using our shirts to make me and Sean kiss repeatedly and giggling excitedly every time we did.  I wish I could record all the moments we have with her so everyone could experience the joy she brings, but I am so glad she is our little girl. I am excited for a baby boy to add to the fun and chaos.

Maternity shoot with Pregnancy #2

The Flu

Sienna got the flu a few days ago. She woke up at night, but I couldn't see anything wrong. So I pull the blanket out from under her feet and put it back on her. In the morning I came in and her bed was covered in throw up. I felt awful for not looking closer into it since she was making noises all night. I was thrown up on 6 times in the first few hours and once a little later. One of those times she threw up and then moved to a dry spot on me and passed out. I didn't want to wake her up since she didn't nap, so I sat there as the throw up dried onto me and began to irritate my skin a bit. Not the day after but the day following I started feeling very sick, although thinking back I had a low appetite for several days before that. It is so hard to see your baby sick...if I had been asked when I was younger what I would have done if my baby threw up on me then fell asleep I don't think I would have said I would stay there until she wakes up on her own. I love her so much. I hope Sean doesn't get sick too.